Joy or Misery, You Choose
If we make responsible choices, we get satisfying results. Choice equals creation, says Gary Zukav, in The Seat of the Soul and The Mind of the Soul. We choose everything we do including misery, says William Glassner, the psychiatrist who wrote Choice Theory. Other people can make us neither miserable nor happy. All we can get from them or give them is information. But by itself, information cannot make us do anything or feel anything. It goes into our brain where we process it and then decide what to do. Therefore, we are very much in control of our lives than we believe. Zukav takes this concept to a sublime level when he says that most people think their experiences show them that they are not what they have chosen. They do not know that they have the ability to shape their experiences like a potter shapes clay. You are the artist and you are also the art that is being created. You choose the colours, where to add and remove clay and you choose whether the art is dark and depress- ing or light and joyful. If there are any limits to this, these are self-imposed. will devolve on us. And yet the most common refrain in our society is 'I am miserable' or 'You make me so mad that I can't think straight'. It never crosses our minds that we are choosing the misery we are complaining about. And the misery will keep coming to us until we see clearly that our experiences of misery are consequences of our choices and choose differently to get rid of something that we do not like. Why does such a simple concept not find universal acceptance? The reason, suspect, is that the role of a victim is so attractive that we get hooked to it. The cost of being a complaining victim has a corresponding pay-off and that pay-off is the attention we get from our friends and relatives. We get used to hearing and liking the expression 'poor thing' and often the pain of coming out of the victim mould is greater than staying stuck. There is some degree of safety in sameness. The process of change is not easy but it is the heart of development. In physical terms, we readily accept the cause and effect theory and Newton's law of action and reaction. But, in the laboratories of our lives, we discard the principle of cause and effect. In life's laboratory, cause goes to the intention level. "What effect will this intention cause?" is the question. And if we don't like the effect we have to try another intention. If we accept the premise that we alone are responsible we for making a choice, responsibility for the consequence our choice creates. If that choice creates a mess in our lives. we alone have to get down on our knees and clean that mess. Whether our choices are large ones concerning work, marriage and parenting, or small ones ike getting edgy with a ike getting edgy with a colleague, the responsibility will devolve on us. William Glasser points out that we generally makе responsible choices when we interact with our friends, bosses and strangers but when it comes to our families, the concept of ownership creeps in. I own my wife and therefore I can impose a choice that I believe will work for us. That is a cause of misery. A responsible choice maker believes that as much as he has the right of making his choices and facing the consequences, others too have the same right. One question continues to haunt me: Does a person living in severe poverty or suffering from an untreatable illness or one who is in the depth of depression have such clear choices? I am still dealing with that doubt.
DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed in the Article above are Dinesh Kumar views and kashmiribhatta.in is not in any way responsible for the opinions expressed in the above article. The article belongs to its respective owner or owners and this site does not claim any right over it.
Courtesy: Dinesh Kumar and Speaking Tree,Times of India
Joy or Misery, You Choose
If we make responsible choices, we get satisfying results. Choice equals creation, says Gary Zukav, in The Seat of the Soul and The Mind of the Soul. We choose everything we do including misery, says William Glassner, the psychiatrist who wrote Choice Theory. Other people can make us neither miserable nor happy. All we can get from them or give them is information. But by itself, information cannot make us do anything or feel anything. It goes into our brain where we process it and then decide what to do. Therefore, we are very much in control of our lives than we believe. Zukav takes this concept to a sublime level when he says that most people think their experiences show them that they are not what they have chosen. They do not know that they have the ability to shape their experiences like a potter shapes clay. You are the artist and you are also the art that is being created. You choose the colours, where to add and remove clay and you choose whether the art is dark and depress- ing or light and joyful. If there are any limits to this, these are self-imposed. will devolve on us. And yet the most common refrain in our society is 'I am miserable' or 'You make me so mad that I can't think straight'. It never crosses our minds that we are choosing the misery we are complaining about. And the misery will keep coming to us until we see clearly that our experiences of misery are consequences of our choices and choose differently to get rid of something that we do not like. Why does such a simple concept not find universal acceptance? The reason, suspect, is that the role of a victim is so attractive that we get hooked to it. The cost of being a complaining victim has a corresponding pay-off and that pay-off is the attention we get from our friends and relatives. We get used to hearing and liking the expression 'poor thing' and often the pain of coming out of the victim mould is greater than staying stuck. There is some degree of safety in sameness. The process of change is not easy but it is the heart of development. In physical terms, we readily accept the cause and effect theory and Newton's law of action and reaction. But, in the laboratories of our lives, we discard the principle of cause and effect. In life's laboratory, cause goes to the intention level. "What effect will this intention cause?" is the question. And if we don't like the effect we have to try another intention. If we accept the premise that we alone are responsible we for making a choice, responsibility for the consequence our choice creates. If that choice creates a mess in our lives. we alone have to get down on our knees and clean that mess. Whether our choices are large ones concerning work, marriage and parenting, or small ones ike getting edgy with a ike getting edgy with a colleague, the responsibility will devolve on us. William Glasser points out that we generally makе responsible choices when we interact with our friends, bosses and strangers but when it comes to our families, the concept of ownership creeps in. I own my wife and therefore I can impose a choice that I believe will work for us. That is a cause of misery. A responsible choice maker believes that as much as he has the right of making his choices and facing the consequences, others too have the same right. One question continues to haunt me: Does a person living in severe poverty or suffering from an untreatable illness or one who is in the depth of depression have such clear choices? I am still dealing with that doubt.
DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed in the Article above are Dinesh Kumar views and kashmiribhatta.in is not in any way responsible for the opinions expressed in the above article. The article belongs to its respective owner or owners and this site does not claim any right over it.
Courtesy: Dinesh Kumar and Speaking Tree,Times of India