R K Mattoo

 

R K Mattoo  

It is human nature to make mistakes. We all make them. It is also human nature to resist admitting that we made mistakes. None of us likes to do that. However the best way to reduce mistakes is to admit they were made, introspect the reasons, and try to remedy what­ever caused them.

We all know this popular adage, but what does it really mean? Well, as humans, we all make mistakes - whether or not we want to admit to them is another thing entirely! However, when it comes to forgiveness, many of us would rather hold on to our hurts, our resentments and our anger than forgive the one who has done us wrong. It usually takes a "bigger" person to forgive, someone who realizes that holding on to all those negative emotions only hurts them in the long run - instead of the person who committed the wrongdoing!

Usually, we tend to think of forgiveness as benefiting only the one | who is guilty of the wrongdoing. Viewed in this way, forgiveness is a | "divine" act on the part of the one who forgives; the one who is forgiv­en is relieved of any guilt and can go on with their lives, free from remorse.

A life that is consumed by bitterness and resentment is hardly a life worth living.

When anger and resentment consume you, this only leads to depression and a life of misery, where you feel victimized and powerless.

Forgiveness frees you - it frees you to live without the weight of that anger and resentment. Forgiveness of others, and ourselves, for the wrongdoings we have caused ourselves or suffered because of another’s actions, has tremendous physical and psychological effects. Forgiveness of ourselves and others leads to increased feelings of self-worth and decreased psy­chological stress. This allows you to live a more satisfied and fulfilling life because you have moved beyond the negative feel­ings that keep you stuck in the muck and the mire and control your thinking and behavior.

Forgiveness is really a gift that you give to yourself. It has very little to do with the person who has hurt you. In fact, holding on to that hurt is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die! Letting go of the hurt helps to build your self-esteem because it demonstrates your will­ingness to move out of the "victim" role and take your own personal power back.

 

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to accept the behavior of another nor does it mean you have to forget. It means granting yourself the permission to be happy and to move on - because that is what is best for you!

 

Some people are taught that being ’wrong' is equivalent to being a failure. And 'right' is the most superior state of existence, and there are barely any in between. This training begins at their homes and schools that use the carrot stick approach that induces pride and fear respectively. Why don't people admit their mis­takes? Because they are too afraid to commit any, too used to feeling guilty on a mistake that they are better off without that feeling so they live in self denials, as a measure to protect themselves of the sin, of being wrong. This robs them of the amazing learning opportunity any mistake brings with it and they stop growing after a cer­tain age.

What is needed most, for admitting a mistake, is courage or mental strength. In addition to being a natural part of one’s personality, such strength is largely depen­dent on one’s moral stature. In short only a good person can admit ones mistake.

Admitting to our mistakes is a difficult task. One tends to portray a great image of himself in front of others, for him admit­ting to mistakes is like degrading his image, but in reality you can't lie to your mind about it even if you lie to the entire world. But wait we have a solution for that too, we convince our mind that it was not our mistake, we tend to blame others for that because that is quite convenient to do.

The Best way to learn from our mis­takes is to admit them, rather than to blame them on someone else. We fear that our mistakes might not be forgiven so we tend to hide them but- "Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them."

In reality admitting to one's mistake makes us stronger and that little humilia­tion (if any) that we face, we remember for life and never repeat our mistakes again. These mistakes are the learning blocks in life, if you don't admit them and convince yourself, that you haven't done that, you are missing these learning blocks.

I conclude by quoting that - "Mistakes have the power to turn you into something better than you were before."

R K Mattoo

 

 

 

TOP 10 WAYS TO DEAL

Ready to admit that you have been mistaken about mistakes? Here are the 10 things you can do to embrace them.

• Admit that you and others will make mistakes.
• Give yourself enough time to learn some­thing new.
• Ask for help if you get stuck or don't know how to do something.
• Make a list of your errors as they occur and put systems in place to address the most common ones.
• Schedule enough time for someone else to review your work. If there isn't enough time, focus on avoiding substantive errors, and let go of the possibility of minor administrative errors.
• Communicate about errors with your client, colleague or the court promptly and appropriately.
• Apologize.
• Share your mistakes and how you addressed them, and encourage others to share their mistakes with you.
• When training youngsters, set the expectation that they will make mistakes and that your only requirements are that they admit them, learn from them and share them with others.
• Forgive yourself and others. This too shall pass.

DISCLAIMER:

The views expressed in the Article above are R K Mattoo’s personal views and kashmiribhatta.in is not responsible for the opinions expressed in the above article.

Courtesy: Spade A Spade April 2018,  and R K Mattoo –Editor Spade A Spade - An Official Publication of Kashmiri Hindu Cultural Welfare Trust, Bengaluru.