MODERN BABAS IN DISGUISE

 

A few days ago, Sunita, my better half, who often remains glued to scrolling through endless streams of “Baba Gyan” videos and spiritual discourses on her mobile, received a junk call. The caller, a woman with a sweet, soothing and a persuasive voice, greeted her warmly: “Namaste, ma’am! We’re calling from the “Divine Wellness and Prosperity Club,” which is recently founded under the guidance of His Holiness Babaji. Our mission is to help seekers like you achieve overall fitness and overall prosperity. Would you like to join our movement?” Sunita narrated the entire episode to me later that night at the dining table, half amused, half intrigued by the divine marketing pitch. Unsure, whether she was being offered a gym membership, a spiritual awakening, or a multi-level marketing scheme wrapped in mantras, she asked the caller, “What exactly does this club do?” “Oh ma’am,” the caller replied enthusiastically, “it is a life-transforming program that brings health, wealth, happiness, peace, prosperity, aura cleansing, karma detoxification, and guaranteed spiritual progress, all in one annual package!” She continued, “For a nominal initial donation, you can join a community of divinely connected achievers with weekly yoga sessions, daily online money earning satsangs, and have a VIP Darshan for a direct blessings from Baba himself.” By the end of the call, she was offered three tempting options: the Basic Bhakta Plan, the Premium Punya Plan, and the Elite Enlightenment Plan, each providing ascending access to divine frequencies. Sunita resisted the allure politely, and replied that she would seek her husband’s consent and revert by the next day. What fascinated me most about the phone call was how professionally enlightenment had become. It came with terms, conditions, and clearly defined benefits. “Ma’am, the caller assured her, our Baba’s vibrations have changed many lives! One businessman increased his profits threefold after just one darshan and a housewife was cured of her arthritis and her sugar level dropped through our aura therapy!” The Garb: Gone are the days when Babas lived in forests or ashrams, clad in coarse cotton robes, meditating under Peepal trees. Today, Babas are draped in designer saffron silks perhaps meditating before taking their measurements. Their hair is styled, beard meticulously curated, and aura glows like studio lighting, the mala beads are imported from Bali, the sandalwood from Indonesia, and their dwelling interiors look like luxury five star resorts with a “spiritual ambiance.” They have secretaries who usually handle schedules, PR manager manages miracles, and the digital team ensures , the Instagram reels reach the right demographics. The captions read: “Detachment is power. Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe for more wisdom.” If ancient sages taught meditation to realization, modern Babas teach monetization and what not. The art of selling salvation has evolved into spiritual business model with quarterly targets and brand partnerships. There are sacred water bottles, energized crystals, and spiritual perfumes with names like “Mystic Musk” and “Peace Potion.” Their dwellings look like boutique malls with shelves of divinity branded merchandise. You can even buy Divine Detox Tea which, they claim, purifies the bowels, clears gastric troubles faster, and serves as a slimmer panacea, far more effective than any allopathic medicine, they insist on. The slogans sparkle like anctified salesmanship: “Release your karmic load, install our app today!” “Don’t wait for heaven, book early access.” “Transformation guaranteed!” Babas have merged the ancient and the modern. They quote shlokas from the Upanishads, aayats from the Quran, verses from the Bible and even Warren Buffett TED Talk phrases. They offer coaching sessions for entrepreneurs, and Soul detox workshops for those seeking recovery from heartbreaks, love entanglements, and help in exploring approaches to infidelity and adultery. Their miracle narrative is the perfect advertisement: “Believe and you shall receive.” Their fine print reads, “Results may vary depending on faith, payment status, and astrological alignment.” When skeptics question them, Babas smile serenely and say, “Child, not everything divine can be understood by the intellect.” Some Babas have gone international. They travel in business classes, and post enlightenment selfies. Their mantras are rebranded as “Peace” and “Consciousness Unlimited.” Western audiences adore them; after all, what could be more exotic than paying $5,000 to be told to breathe exercise? Every few months, the spiritual marketplace shakes with scandals of hidden wealth, land disputes, or worse. Yet, the faith industry recovers faster than the stock market. PR teams call it “a divine test,” followers double their donations. Even conviction doesn’t seem to end their careers. From Asaram Bapu and Narayan Sai to Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, Nirmal Baba, Nikhilananda, Chhangur Baba, and the list of “fakes” identified by the Akhil Bharatiya Akhara Parishad keeps growing. There are also Ichchadhari Bhimanand, Disco Baba, Zakir Naik, Bajinder Singh, a self styled pastor, all accused of fraud, exploitation, or running unholy rackets. Yet, their disciples often defend them passionately, that belief can outlast even bail hearings. The real awakening: That evening, as Sunita told me about the call over dinner, I couldn’t help laughing. The idea of “overall fitness and prosperity” through a paid Baba Club membership was absurdly brilliant. It offered everything except “spirituality of self effort.” True awakening doesn’t come through apps, donations, or deluxe memberships. It comes quietly, through self-awareness and sincerity. These things no Baba can sell and no QR code can deliver. So, the next time a honeyed voice pesky call offering “prosperity through divine subscription,” just smile and say, “Thank you, I’m already on the Free Inner Plan.”

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Courtesy: VIJAY HASHIA and  Spade A Spade,2025