Linking Values Nuclear And Joint Families

 

The nuclear family culture has mushroomed in the recent past. This is accelerated by globalization and growing trend of both partners working environment. While the trend is prevalent worldwide, in India it has taken a sharp upswing due to the changes in lifestyle, earning patterns of both partners, and the desire for independence which in new terminology is “Privacy.” The ‘Y’ & ‘Z’ generations often appear more comfortable with separation, choosing to live independently. Some have willfully distanced and abandoned their elders while others have done due to compulsion, constraint or the exigencies of personal circumstances. Though, nuclear families offer certain advantages to couples, yet, the challenges remain overlooked by them. Couples in nuclear families often experience limited emotional and social support. Isolation gradually creeps in as their social interaction shrinks, leaving them with few or no circles of their own. Their children suffer in subtle ways. They grow up with fewer role models, have limited exposure to diverse real life perspectives, and are often deprived of the wisdom of elders. The nuclear family parents encounter heightened stress and childcare burdens, without the support of elders. Amongst the various other societies, the trend in Kashmiri Pandit (KP) community which once had been known for living together, where elders (grandparents, kith and kin) provided a bulwark against life’s uncertainties is most prevalent. The joint households not only shared responsibilities but also acted as nurseries of cultural preservation, where rituals, traditions, and values were transmitted to younger generations. The exodus of 1990s has exacerbated this trend as the community got scattered across the globe. Families which once lived as close-knit got uprooted. Many old aged parents living in Jammu region or elsewhere in the country have limited or no support- physical, mental and moral from their children who in pursuit of education and professional careers got dispersed across the country and other parts of the globe. This geographic disintegration has left most seniors in isolation, neglected, and emotionally strained. Nuclear families face the trauma of cultural and emotional deprivation too. For example, emotional detachment and waning empathy of elders have led to a kind of cultural impoverishment. Rituals and traditions once celebrated collectively with warmth and reverence are now either observed in silence or neglected altogether. Birthdays, for instance, are more often marked by cake cuttings with friends than performing a traditional puja at home (not a Sanathan ethos). Festivals like Mahashivratri, once an occasion for collective elaborate household paraphernalia, have reduced to mere visits of temples. The consultation of panchangs for auspicious or inauspicious days and timings has become rare. Such trends have eroded the richness of cultural and spiritual practices once nurtured under the guidance of elders. Another striking observation among the younger KP diaspora is their waning participation in cultural and social events. This is due to the onerous professional commitments, academic pressures on children, and domestic responsibilities which often keep them away from the community congregations. The attitude of ‘mera khya, mujhey khya leyna deyna?’ ‘What will I gain by joining these congregations?’ - a self-centred and materialistic outlook deprives them of meaningful community interaction. The moot question, therefore, is not what we gain, but what we contribute. True fulfilment lies in living for others. Without this spirit, children already distanced from elders grow up without cultural guidance and values, which once formed the soul of Kashmiri identity. Yet, another striking observation of nuclear units is disruption of transmission of the Kashmiri language. The younger generation, fluent in global language (English), struggle to engage with mother tongue, spiritual traditions, scholarly reading, ritual practices and performance of poojas through the guidance of panchang. Many within the community confess to a gnawing sense of cultural dilution, a void that stems from being cut off from the elderly environment that had nurtured their parents. This disconnect has fostered an inner emptiness, a spiritual vacuum that material achievements can never replenish. The remedy lies not in dismantling the nuclear family but in enriching it with the wisdom of the joint system, and transmitting heritage to the new generation. In other words, a conscious effort to bridge the gap between tradition and modernity. Community cohesion, cultural association of both parents and children can reconnect with their heritage. Festivals, storytelling, folklore sessions, and community get-togethers can revive the collective spirit of joint family while living in a new family formats. Modern communications tools like video calls, virtual gatherings can harness maintain emotional ties between elders and children. Online storytelling by elders can infuse moral guidance to children. Parents must make a conscious effort to teach children their mother tongue, even if it is only at a conversational level. Rituals of birthday poojas, meditation and pranayama, consulting panchang for auspicious and inauspicious days etc can anchor children to their grass roots despite geographical distances. And above all connecting with the elders will obviate disconnection of tradition. If these remedies are embraced, the diaspora can transform its sense of exile into a renewed cultural strength. The nuclear families may then evolve, not as a break from elders and tradition, but as a modern unit infused with cultural pride, and emotional resilience which would be a bridge between the past and the future.

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Courtesy: VIJAY HASHIA and  Spade A Spade,2025