Whispers within the aged and young widows, widowers and divorcees

 

When Kashmiri Pandits, despite negligible numerical strength, are historically too well known forcontributionsto knowledge and scholarship in almost all walks of life. They, indeed, have had the advantage of hosting one of the world’s oldest universities, Sharda Peeth (now in ruins in POK anode of the Maha Shakti Peethas),attracting scholars and princes for knowledge and training from across Asia if not beyond. The Peethreduced to ruins by barbarian rulers, continues to remain so, primarilyas India’spost-partitiontop leadership, closelylinked to KP community, did not bother to retain its sacred ruins while the Pak sponsored tribal raiders under chase by the army were running back like rats to save their lives.

The site is within a walking distance from LOC, which could easily have been extended as the ruins were of no significance to POK and Pakistan. When the same leadership did not seek India’s most sacred and encroached temple sat Kashi, Ayodhya and Mathura, leave alone tens of thousands others, in exchange for erstwhile Pakistan (now Pakistan & Bangladesh), how could they seek the ruins of Sharda Perth in exchange for POK? The community may have enriched humanity, by itself, it lags in social cohesion and societal and survival reforms to cope with changing times and circumstances. Even the present exodus, said to be seventh, has failed to unite the community and change mindsets meaningfully. No surprise, numerical strength continues to dwindle, homeland already lost and extinction not a distant reality. The very reversal of current and 35-year-old exodus remains in doubt primarily for these very reasons, plus today’s democratic forms of government in which the rulers and legislators themselves are under Z plus or Z-security and their orders not enough for return and safety of a microscopic minority.

More importantly, power to punish restswith judiciary, too well known for prolonged trials and punishments not deterrent enough to stoprecurrence of terror/criminal acts.The preceding exoduses had happened undermonarchy, rather because of it, andgot reversed when the rulers wished.Who then could dare to harm those returning and resettling in their native places? Moreover, the preceding exoduses had remained confined to just across mountains for reasons of limited mobilityand the place of their recurring shelter had earned the nickname of Kasht-var (troubled days compound),now Kishtwar. Today the displaced are spread across globe and their return and rehabilitation no longer a matter of just security at native places which are no longer self-sufficing. Are KPs really wise and super intelligent? This question, in a very limitedcontext,from my post-exodus Jammu neighbormade me to introspect and reflect. His question related to our unusual concern and care in upbringing and educating the offspring, rather givingthem wings (educational and professional) and then lamenting as theybegin to use wings and take flights.How does this approach make you wise and intelligent, he asked? In contrast, he continued, none ofmythree sons canfly as they have no wings?

But are they not settled and comfortable here, besides living along or side by side with us? One of his sons had a tire agency, the other, only graduate, was running a coaching centre where KPs were the faculty and students and the third was running a building materials and shuttering support system, father was an ex-serviceman reemployed by a national bank and wife managing a small dairy. His logic even predates current exodus, aswinged members of the communityhad begun to take flights and serve the then rulersand the nobility well before the British rule and again on the basis of their mastery of Persian, the then official language of barbarian invader turned rulers. In fact, successive generations of some of these very winged community members had come to play decisive leadership and administrative rolesin post-partition India. Instances of qualified professionals like engineers and doctors taking flights began only in the aftermath ofindependenceas professional institutes began to take shape and KPs acquired the degrees. This is not to suggest that Muslims in the valley did not care for their children, they indeed did, but being an overwhelming majority, a second division for their kids was as good as distinction for their KPs counterparts. This is why the community had to accord high priority to educating kids and no surprise merit list in the qualifying exam (Class XII) for admission to professional institutes had come to be dominated by the community and to the discomfort of the majority.

Did the 1990 genocide and the exodus alter the child centered focus? And has there been no matching reciprocity from offspring side to their extra caring parents, notably the aged and the needy ones? Before addressing these questions, it is worth recalling, for the sake of record, that during partition time communal disturbances across most of the country, Mahatma Gandhi had seen a ray of hope and harmony in Kashmir only, although half the state was under brutal tribal raid. No surprise, his ray of hope did not last four decades. But it is important to recall that the then poor and illiterate Muslim neighbors had mostly stood side by side with KP neighbors and prevented genocide and exodus, while the educationally and economically transformed majority in 1990 did not only remain silent but apparently supportive of the exodus, especially when sons of the soil had taken uparms.In fact, the majority intentionally and unanimously began to hold Jagmohan, the then governor, and not militants responsible for the exodus, ostensibly for his opening refugee camps in Jammu and offering some relief. Before proceeding to address the questions under reference, it is imperative to list briefly how the exodus impacted the community and consequences thereof. Incidentally, had relocation camps been set within the valley, the exodus would have been less painful and most likely reversed. Exodus and the community The community, expectedly, faced formidable ground realities and challenges after uprootment and relocation and some of these are briefly recalled here. First and the foremost,

 was the shock and disbelief that ethnic cleansing of Kashmir in overwhelmingly post-partition Hindu India could happen at all. The single stroke ethnic cleansing of minorities in Kashmir has no parallels, not even in Pakistan and Bangladesh where the process has been gradual. The fact that exodus neither shook the nation, nor secular and liberal lobby nor the UN, HRW or Amnesty, compounded the grief manifold? Would heavens not have fallen and continue to be falling, parliament blocked and media -national and global - crying round the clock, had the uprooted microscopic minority not belonged tothe national Hindu majority? Could it be due to our post-partition unique secular democracy where under vote bank politics is cantered around the united minority, rather the second majority and not the divided larger majority? Second, uprootment from only paradise on earth and relocation into hot and humid regions, apart from being frightening in itself, also exposed the community to previously unknown dangers like sun strokes and burns, snake and scorpionbites, many fatal. Such incidents were more common in overnightly raised tented colonies laggingbasic amenities like secure walls, street lights and proper public wash rooms. Those who could not get campaccommodationor did not opt for it, sought shelter privately or were temporarily accommodated by relations and friends.But the dangersdid not disappear there as well. Moreover,rural dwellers got transformed into urbanites overnight which also posed many adjustmental challenges. Third, the exodusalso coincided with two and four-wheelers emerging as common modes of urbantransport in the aftermath of India’s 1991 economic liberalization and rapid growth. While vehicle numbers mushroomed, matching upgradation of roads and traffic controls did not happen side by side.

Consequently, frequency of traffic accidents increased manifold and the count of dead and injured kept on snowballing. Scores of young and old, including the displaced,lostand continue to lose lives or left injured. Fourth, overcrowding became a new reality as population of Jammu swelled overnight, notably in and around resettlement localities. Leave alone family privacy, space for sleep and study disappeared altogether for the most. The hurriedly raised or arranged camp schools were also overcrowded and without basic pre-requisites. Fifth, the community comprising half a million individuals, got relocated not only in Jammu but almost across the country and even globally. Besides, most families had to bifurcate into smaller units to fit into tents or limited accommodation available elsewhere. More importantly, the younger generation also began to marry outside the community in increasing numbers and thereby diluting the uniqueness of being a KP community. Sixth, displacement did not only mean loss of motherland but mother tongue as well, Kashmiri language being valley specific. Food habits had also to be compromised as the valley centered consumables were no longer available with the same ease and price.

Last, and the most impactful, was the perpetual shock and grief of losing aboriginal homeland and the generational assets in cash, jewelry, businesses, multi-story houses, land, orchards, cattle and the like and consequently reduced to what Marxists call ‘proletariat’. No surprise, anxiety and depression engulfed young and the old, notably latter. Prescriptions of doctors testify this fact as these invariably including some anxiety and anti-depression related medicationsfor almost every patient right up to this date.WhileKashmir continues to attract millions of tourists from across globe even amid ongoing militancy, how could the community forget the loss of homeland? Diseases like diabetes, hypertension and depression have therefore become pronounced even among the younger generations. Children born post-exodus are no exception to the grief and loss of homeland, as they miss the beautiful valley more than those who at least had the fortune of having been resident once. Post-exodus outcomes While campresidents accommodated initially in tents were subsequently shifted to clusters of single room sets at different locations mainly around Jammu city, the overwhelming majority had to build their own houses or be tenants.Consequently,KP clusters sprang up in the outskirts of Jammu city.

 Death rates surged for all age groups and birth rates nosedived. While data are not readily at hand, it was widely reported by community leaders, doctors and the media that there had hardly been any births in refugee camps for years while the death toll had been mounting as evident in ever increasing spaces of obituaries columns of Jammu’s daily newspapers, notably the favorite Daily Excelsior. Death rates surged for multiple reasons, including sharply increasing roadside accidental deaths, sunstrokes, snake bites but primarily on account of the shock and grief of having lost the aboriginal homeland in the only paradise on earth along with generational assets. The outcome, among other things, was transforming a vibrant community overnight into juggi dwellers and dependent on state relief to live a hand to mouth existence thus far. Government employees, of course, continue to receive their salaries and pensions and thereby revealing why government service had since long been a preferred urban profession.

The loss of some loved ones and prominent community members to militancy was another big and chilling factor, in particular the manner of their killings, like cutting a live young woman into two with a bandsaw after gang rape or inserting a big iron nail into the forehead of prominent teacher by his own students, or rolling a person under a huge log of wood multiple times over in the aftermath of having cut his tongue days before for the allegation of having been a security forces informer.The list is long and endlessly brutal. No surprise, depressions and multiple ailments in hot and humid climate began to claim lives prematurely.Additionally,as younger generations began to take long flights, the initial resettlement centres and cities were left with ever increasing proportion of the elderly. Dispersal of the microscopic community across globe has made whereabouts of many friends and relations, including expiries difficult to monitor, leave alone conveying timely condolences.

Even cremations of parents have to be delayed in anticipation of the arrival of offspring and very close relations from long distances. As the saying goes, only the wearer(community) knows where the shoe (decades of displacement) pinches. Child care Although the community in general does not seem to have initiated any major course corrections, focus on shapingnext generation hasreinforced rather than slackenedas education and training (human capital)are now sole survival assets. Additionally, as late marriage and single child norms are catching up, upbringing the next gen, naturally,assumesgreater attention than ever before. No surprise, post-exodus merit list in qualifying exams for admission to professional courses continued to be dominated bythe community boys and girls in Jammu as well. This trend began to weakenonly in the aftermath of Maharashtra government reserving a large number of seats in professional institutes for the wards of the displaced community. The windfall materialized in 1995 and exclusively on the initiative of the late Bal Sahib Thackeray, a debt the community can never repay. The provision subsequently got extended to other statesandthe number of seats available now mostly exceeds the count of eligible candidates.

This is not to suggest that entire new generation is taken care of, as a good number of kids have not been able to reach the qualifying stage orpass it with the minimum prescribed scores or on account of inability to meet the huge expense. However, thousands have already “become winged” and a good number of them left the country to serve and settle in greener pastures. Parent care: offspring reciprocity How about the offspring reciprocity? Is their reciprocity also unique and matching the parent care? How are the aged parent(s), notably those ailing or in some prolonged illnessbeing looked after back home or in their accompanying periodically or permanently?And how about the reciprocity when both the generations are living together under one roof or in close proximity in and around the resettlement localities? As long as both parents are alive and mobile, they themselves do not want to burden offspring and prefer to live on their own. Occasional and brief visits on both sides meet their expectations. But once a parent or both get unwell or one of them expires, the situation assumes formidable challenges on both sides.

Parent-offspring relationshipis historically too well known to be essentially a one-way affair, from top to bottom, aptly summed in a Kashmiri saying: kot (knee) is farther than ad (tummy). While parents remain obsessed with the affection and craving for their children until the end, the reverse does not hold that strongly barring rare exceptions like the proverbial Shravan Kumar. More importantly, if our generations recall how much did we care for our own parents and grandparents, the answer would not be too comforting for many? Way back in Kashmir,

it was common to hear siblings of deceased parent being mocked for post-death rituallavish offerings, while ignoring the deceased when alive. The stream flows from top to bottom and the latter can’t be blamed for emptying the top? The same logic applies hereand the relationship not only continues to be one-way as before but more so under the prevailing situations,how then can our offspring behave differently? In fact, the new generations themselves face harder times as their offspring even at child/student levels are much more demanding and assertive of their rights than was the case ever before. Teen rights, unknown to us, are now asserted, largely due tothe growing awareness of western world enshrined child rights under which neither parents nor even the teachers can exercise any extra pressure or force. Gone are the days when the offspring could be physically punished by parents or teachers. In our time physical punishment at home and school was not only common but a routine and innovative to make it more effective. Today it is legal andbanned and any deviations, notably in public and at school, often result into media frenzy and teacher punishments.

 Surprisingly, the gen next is not even strong enough to bear a rare slap from a teacher as cases of children getting severely hurt are routinely reported. Parent-married child conflict is commonly attributed to near universal incompatibility between mothers-in-lawsand daughter in law(s), not excluding the great saint Lalleshwari (Lala Ded),and with sister(s)-in-lawplaying a spoil shot.Surprisingly, the conflict did not resolve or subside but intensified with both the contestants began to beeducated andeven employed.Consequently, nuclear familyhad begun to become a norm rather than an exception even while living under one roof in Kashmir. In fact, less caring Muslim parents, notably mothers, were reported better cared than their Counterparts. After the exodus, the shortage of living spaces in camps or rented accommodation became another ground for universalizing the nuclear family.As if this was not enough, the state too intervened and allowed bifurcation of families so that each nuclear unit is registered and paid monthly reliefunless a government employee.

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Courtesy: ML PANDIT  and  Spade A Spade-June 2025