I

I ’ is a strange term which refers to the subject, who sees, thinks, evaluates, decides, acts and then thinks again. It has an intellect that evaluates the pros and cons, good and bad of the matter at hand. It has a heart to feel with kindness and compassion. It has different organs to act in order to achieve and accomplish. Thereafter it has a tendency to be either satisfied or dissatisfied. If the result and outcome of its effort is to his liking, it feels happy. If it is not to its liking it feels dejected but sometimes it takes the outcome, good or bad in its stride and remains poised and balanced irrespective of the results. The greatest riddle for the mankind is to know this ‘I’, decipher it and realize it so that the essence and the truth of the existence is perceived and there is all round awareness. To achieve this one has to embark on a spiritual journey and the sooner that is done the better it is. In the beginning of this spiritual journey this ‘I’ is arrogant and head-strong. It assumes airs of being the doer, the possessor and the enjoyer. It does something and feels proud of having done that. If because of his word or deed someone is benefitted he wants to take credit for that but if because of him someone is hurt or adversely affected, it does not take the blame and ascribes it to the affected person’s fate, to chance or to circumstances. This is a strange paradox of the humans’ behaviour and thinking. He does not understand that so long as he exists as a separate entity designated in scriptures as ‘Jeevatma’ he is only an instrument and the wielder of the instrument is the Divine. When out of his despondence Arjuna tells Shri Krishna that he was not prepared to kill the Kauravas, the Lord clearly tells him that they have already been killed by Him and Arjuna has only to be an instrument or means, ‘Nimitta-matram bhava Savyasachana.’ At this early stage of the journey it has another notion that it is the possessor of everything that it has. It feels that not only does it possess the body, mind and soul but also the various items of necessity, comfort and luxury that it has. It is possessive of various relations, connections, approaches and the like. This false notion binds it to mundane world around it. It has certain expectations from various quarters. If these are fulfilled it feels elated and if these are not fulfilled it gets dejected. This way its poise and balance is disturbed and it is caught between various pairs of opposites like a fly in a cobweb. It feels pained at loss, grief, defeat, hatred and the like. It feels happy at gain, pleasure, love and the like. This is all the result of the false notion of this sense of possession because of which it is under the impression that this all belongs to it because all this has been achieved and brought about by it only. Little does it know that even the possessor is He, who is the doer of everything and that it is suffering from ignorance thinking that it is the possessor. There is yet another false notion at this stage that it is the enjoyer of all the pleasures that come its way. If it is unable to do something and does not possess anything it follows that it cannot enjoy anything. It does feel happy while ostensibly partaking of worldly pleasures but has to be equally unhappy and sad when it faces grief, misery and adversaries. This makes it miserable. Once it realizes that it is not the real enjoyer all notions of pleasure and grief will ipso facto, vanish and it will truly feel and be like a lotus in the water, unscathed and untouched, ‘Padma-patram-ivaambasa’. It will imbibe equanimity and poise, which is the real Yoga. ‘Samatvam yoga uchyate’. Apart from this notion of doer-ship, possessor-ship and enjoyer-ship another feature of the beginning of this spiritual journey is that this entity known as ‘I’ feels itself separate from the rest, including the Divine. So the quest gets double-faced, realizing the Divine and realizing the self. There is a pitfall though, at this stage in the form of some amount of haughty-ness or arrogance because of which the seeker attaches added importance to itself. But as the journey proceeds and the milestones of different kinds are encountered, humility and submission creep in. The seeker goes into a surrender mode before the Divine. This helps him to tread on a path which is illumined with divine light. He experiences different positions, different situations and different feelings. Some of these he can understand and vouch for. Some of these he cannot fathom and these force him to raise innumerable questions. He approaches his preceptor, if he has one, to illumined knowledgeable persons, consults scriptures and sayings of great sages and savantsand tries to find answers to his doubts and seek guidance to take the right path. Different seekers have different levels of spiritual discernment and, therefore, they have necessarily to take different routes to the same destination though. It is well said in our scriptures that truth is one and the wise describe it in different ways. That is because they have taken different routes to reach and attain it.‘exam sat, viprahbahudhavadanti.’ After crossing various hurdles, passing different milestones and covering a great distance on this spiritual journey this ‘I’ starts getting aware of itself. It gets what may be termed as ‘I’ consciousness. It realizes that it is not any different from the Divine. It sees one in many and many in one. It sees itself as a wave in the ocean, which is no different from the ocean. The arrogant ‘I’ changes into a blissful ‘I’. The turbulent ‘I’ changes into a peaceful ‘I’. The plurality and the singularity get merged into one and the limits and boundaries of consciousness are swept away. The ‘I’ becomes limitless, vast, deep and unfathomable. In order to reach that stage, this aspirant I crosses certain important milestones. It gains proximity to the Divine and experiences ‘Saameepya’ or the state of nearness to the Lord. It continues with its spiritual journey and then feels similarity with the Divine, which is known as ‘Saarupya’ or the likeness with the Lord. Here it is emboldened to declare, ‘Aham Brahmasmi – I am Brahman, the Lord Divine’. This position retains the shade of duality called ‘Dwaita’. At this stage it has crossed the river of realization, but it is still in the boat of its spiritual journey. Ultimately, it gives up this boat as well and becomes Brahman. This state is called ‘Saayujya’ or complete merger. The singular I becomes universal I, the knower, the doer, the possessor and the enjoyer of everything. Although we started on a premise that this I that we are discussing is a subject, yet inadvertently we have also suggested that it is an object too. When consciousness dawns on this I, an important question arises in its mind. It wants to know who it is, what is its essence and why it has been created, besides other questions like who created it and with what purpose, etc. Instantly, this ‘I’ turns to be an object too. It becomes an object of study, analysis and detailed survey. In other words, the ‘I’ assumes a double role of an object that needs to be known in reality, as also of the subject who undertakes this exercise of knowing it. The result of this study, which is in the realm of spirituality, is light, knowledge and awareness. This exercise takes the subject I from without to within, from mundane to spiritual, from imperfect to perfect, mortal to immortal and from transient to permanent and lasting. The I gets a perpetual lasting bliss.

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Courtesy: T.N.DHAR ‘KUNDAN and  Spade A Spade-2025 MARCH