PARENTING

Phool Parenting means bringing up children. It is a process of raising children and providing them protection and care to ensure their healthy development into adulthood. The development is to be in the areas of physical well-being, bonding, discipline and education. This task can come up in three ways. When our children are born, we become parents. When we adopt children, we become parents. If the marriage takes place between two persons, one or both of whom have children from the previous marriage, then also they become parents legally. In all the three situations a responsibility falls on us to bring up these children. We have to take care of their physical and mental health. We have to make arrangements for their education, both academic and technical. We have to shape their future in a way that they take a profession of their choice, become self-sufficient and useful to their family as also the society. Coming to think of this, we find that this parenting is a complicated and a tricky job. Many problems confront us, which test our ability and acumen as good parents, able fathers and mothers. Our success or failure as parents is reflected in the physical, mental and spiritual growth of these children. If the children flourish, parenting has been a success. If they do not, parenting has been a failure. Let us take various items involved in parenting one by one. The first and foremost responsibility is to ensure that the children are healthy, both physically and mentally. For their physical health we have to take care that they get good and nutritious food, suitable clothing and pleasant environment. We have to ensure that they take part in sports, games and physical exercises. They must develop clean habits and a balanced way of life in what they eat and enjoy and what they do both as a routine and as a hobby. Our scriptures also emphasise the importance of health and hygiene, ‘Shariram Adayas khalu dharma saadhanam –ensuring that the body is sound is the stepping stone for performing all other pious deeds.’ It is a matter of common knowledge that our body is the tool for all our activities, mental or physical. Therefore, we have to maintain it fit and fine. As parents we have to guide our children how to maintain good health. Likewise, for a healthy mind, we have to enjoin upon them to have a good company and to study good literature. We have to explain it to them that mind is an essential item of human existence. Our uttered word and executed deeds emanate from the ideas and thoughts stored in the mind. So, we must make sure that our mind is full of noble thoughts and pious ideas. This is possible only if we keep a good company and have rich literature to  tudy. If we have some hobby that also should be constructive and educative.

The next area of importance to which a good parent gives proper attention is the education. The children are either taught at home or put in some kindergarten  t first. Gradually they are sent to a primary school where they are given formal education in languages, maths and some general knowledge. In due course they are required to select a stream of their choice, either sciences or humanities. At this stage most of the parents thrust upon their children the stream of their own choice, which they feel will be lucrative in the long run. But a wise parent takes note of the child’s interests and encourages him to take up the subjects

of his own choice and interest. This ensures that the child excels in his studies and attains expertise in the area of his liking. Eventually this step proves both beneficial and paying too.While on the subject of education, I would like to emphasise the need for teaching moral subject to every child at the young age itself. These days one finds that immorality, crime, falsehood, deceit and other such vices have increased in every society. Every day the newspaper is full of such reports. The need of the hour is to impart moral education to young minds so that they develop pious thoughts and gentle attitude. Relevant stories from Kathasarit Saagar, Pancha Tantra, Brihat Katha Manjariand other folk talescan be selected and complied into a treatise so that the children read them with interest. This will from the beginning create in them a sense of truth, empathy, patience, love, honesty, mercy and brotherhood. This will infuse in them a high moral character. Another important point to be noted is that every person should have a hoby or a side interest apart from his main career or profession. This keeps him healthy and fruitfully engaged even after retirement, when he ceases to be engaged in full time  work schedule. This aspect of life should also be taken care of right from childhood and parents can play a decisive role in this respect of the children as well. Parents can educate and encourage their children to have a healthy and fruitful interaction with others in the family, in the society, at school and workplace. Attention given to these seemingly small points by the parents right from the childhood makes the life of their children meaningful, comfortable and respectful throughout their adult life. It ensures that they grow to become responsible, efficient and conscious citizens in due course. As is well known there are two parents, mother and father. Sometimes even other elders like brother, sister, uncle and aunt  also perform the duties of a parent. It is generally believed, in fact taken for granted that mothers shower love and affection on their children and thereby spoil them. In fact, the trait of love on the part of a mother is an added advantage. They can and should cover all their instructions as a parent of the child with love and affection. This will have better and lasting effect than an instruction given as a command or as an order as is usually given by a father. Parental treatment and approach differ from child to child. Some children follow an instruction when it is given as an order. Others react positively only if it is given as a suggestion. There are children who argue and follow the instruction only if they get convinced of its efficacy after a thorough discussion on the subject. Therefore, it is paramount for an able parent to study the child well before embarking on guiding him in order to decide on the correct approach in parenting. Another important factor in parenting is that there should be perfect accord between the two parents. One may guide the children with love and another with command. One may

guide with suggestion and the other by advice. The tone in one’s approach may be that of authority and in other’s that of concern. Unless there is perfect coordination between the two, the effort made by them will go waste. Their approach and handling may be divergent, but these should be complimentary and not opposing. One should supplement the other because the purpose is the same. Their co-ordination will ensure that the desired is achieved and the parenting is a success. Parenting involves ability and well thought of logic to begin with and then an attitude of empathy in dealing with the children. One has to be proactive and begin with the end in view. A parent must all the time be cautious of the purpose behind his effort. He must first understand his child before making himself understood by him. Parenting should not get noticed and should not be apparent. It has to be subtle and properly Covered by affection and love. Three essential items of bonding, discipline and education should be interwoven in such a way that the children are encouraged and emboldened to tread the correct path best suited to their acumen, taste and capacity. This will ensure that they will in due course grow into a successful,

fruitful and bright adulthood. That will justify the correct, timely, successful and well-conceived parenting. 

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Courtesy: T.N.DHAR KUNDAN and  Spade A Spade-2025 FEBRUARUY