Steering the Drifting Ship

 

What impels me to pen down this article is a recent encounter by Kashmiri Hindu Cultural Welfare Trust (KHCWT) Bangalore with a staunch Kashmiri Pandit NGO activist, Dr. Ramesh Razdan. Dr. Razdan, associated with Kashyap Sthal Development & Research Foundation (KSDRF) Jammu, passionately advocates the cause of safeguarding the community from the rising trend of exogamous marriages and declining population. He emphasizes the grave implication of exogamy, cautioning about the community’s potential extinction. Furthermore, he highlights the risks posed by delayed, overage, no marriages and declining birth rates, warning that these factors not only erode cultural identity but also threaten the very community’s long term survival. Since the exodus, Kashmiri Pandits have scattered across the globe. This extensive diaspora, has unfortunately engendered certain unwelcome changes. Over the past three decades, the community has experienced alarming levels of attrition, a trend that shows little sign of abating.Dr. Razdans proposition raises a pivotal and contentious question: Does the community truly face a shortage of suitable matches? Must it abandon the sanctity of its age old rituals to assimilate into other cultures? My answer to this is an emphatic “No.”Consider the analogy of a well-sealed bottle of pure ink cast into the vast ocean. As long as its seal remains intact, the ink remains undiluted. However, once broken, the contents disperse, losing ink purity to the overwhelming expanse of sea water. This metaphor aptly mirrors the plight of KP community, if we allow ourselves to assimilate unchecked, we edge closer to the precipice of cultural extinction.

The 2011 Census highlights critical demographic concerns. Jammu & Kashmir witnessed a notable increase in the Total Fertility Rate (TFR) in the Valley, rising from 2.52 in 2001 to 3.85 in 2011. This indicates that, on average, a woman in Kashmir is likely to have 1.33 more children than expected a decade earlier. Conversely, Jammu region’s TFR declined from 2.52 to 2.27. The proportion of children (aged 0-6) per hundred of the population increased from 14.65 to 16.10, primarily in the Valley. Among Kashmiri Pandits, the TFR is a concerning 1.6, far below the replacement rate and the national average of 1.8.Several factors have exacerbated this demographic shift. The average age of marriage has risen significantly, from 25 to 35 years post-exodus. Alarmingly, over 40% struggle to find suitable matrimonial matches, largely due to fastidious and unwavering insistence on tekni / kundali matching, even when prospective matches exceed the age of 35 year.The obsession with digital matchmaking trends and the growing emphasis on “Manglik” labels have further worsened the issue. Before exodus, the “ Manglik” label was largely insignificant, with matrimonial decisions focusing primarily on good qualities(gunas). Today, however, it has become a prevalent basis for rejection. It is important to understand that not all Mangliks are inherently negative or incompatible; the severity of Manglik dosha and its effects can vary depending on the specific planetary placements in an individual’s birth chart. Therefore, compatibility in a marriage cannot be solely determined by the presence or absence of the Manglik dosha. Positive Mangliks prove to be successful and supportive partners. True compatibility encompasses values and cultural habits rather than relying on superficial markers. Successful relationships depend on mutual understanding, respect, emotional connection, good health, sincerity, honesty, simplicity in thought and speech, straightforwardness, courage, unselfishness, endurance, perseverance, and self-control rather than being dictated by astrological factors alone.

These qualities contribute to a truly compatible match, instead of excessively focusing on rigid norms of taking/kundali matching. In other words, what astrologically needs to be looked for, are vashya, tara, yoni, graham maitre, grana, bhakoot, and nadi, which ensures that both individuals lead fulfilling and harmonious lives. Moreover, fertility rates are plummeting because of delayed marriages, job displacements of two spouses, and a growing preference for “no-carriage” lifestyles. In addition to this, there are over 2000 divorce cases in various courts, majority of which are non- Manglik individuals. Another growing trend is the rise of nuclear families, which has led to the prevalence of the ‘none or one child’ norm. This shift has created a significant void in familial and social dynamics, disrupting traditional elderly support and guidance once offered in joint families. Moreover, it raises concerns about the long term social connection, emotional and personal development of growing children, often lacking extended family interaction and support system. Economic factors also contribute to this malaise. The imbalance in the eligible male-to-female ratio is worsened by job displacements and income disparities between potential spouses. Many individuals earning higher salaries than their prospective partners face familial pressures, leading to delayed marriages. This delay, together with the modern ethos of “my body, my right,” creates a dual issue of late marriages and childlessness. This emerging trend, influenced by Westernized cultural shifts, poses a serious threat to the community’s cultural continuity. Overall progression must not come at the cost of losing identity or values. A strong cultural foundation simplifies married life and enhances the quality of living. Sharing religious beliefs, life values, and social norms with one’s partner is vital for a satisfying and enduring relationship. To avert this trend, the community must address these issues collectively and with urgency. It must drive force a cultural renaissance emphasizing language preservation, encouraging earlier marriages, and prioritizing the norm of having 2-3 children. Without decisive action, the survival of our heritage is at stake, leaving future generations to endure the irreversible loss of a vibrant legacy. A very happy and prosperous new year 2025 to all!

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Courtesy:  VIJAY HASHIA Spade A Spade- 2025  JANUARY