Kashmiri Militancy - Tears and Laughter

Shyam Kaul

(This article is the chapter of a forthcoming book, titled “Jammu-Kashmir-Ladakh : Ringside Views)

With their genius for coining jokes, sometimes at their own cost, Kashmiri wits have been at work hatching up jokes on and about the present strife-torn situation in Kashmir.

The one heard recently is in the form of a dialogue between two Kashmiris.

"Thank God" said one, "India and Pakistan have after all reached a settlement on Kashmir tangle."

"Really", asked the other in disbelief, "but what is the settlement?"

"Both have agreed to finish off all Kashmiris and have the problem settled once for all over their graves."

Coined in jest indeed, but how true of the situation prevailing in the unfortunate Valley. It is a poignant testimony of the continuing agony of Kashmiris, caught in the crossfire of controversy and confrontation between India and Pakistan. India is not prepared to give up Kashmir and Pakistan will not accept anything short of it. India will not surrender the accession-bound Kashmiris and Pakistan is bet upon having them lock, stock and barrel.

Kashmir, says India, is an integral part of the country and no power on earth can change  this reality. No, retort the Pakistani rulers, our country is incomplete without Kashmir and "Kashmir banega Pakistan" (Kashmir will become Pakistan).

It is a painful 45-year long story of conflict and confrontation, and claims and counter-claims, which also is the woeful tale of the plight of Kashmiris over all these years.

The story reached its climax, or one of its climaxes, three years ago, when Kashmiri youths, with stars in their eyes, streamed across to Pakistan for arms and arms training. They came back as half-baked guerrillas to become cannon fodder for the Indian security forces guarding the borders, or to die in clashes with the forces, to get injured and maimed, to get caught and languish in jails, to suffer torture in interrogation centres, to flee the Valley under the pressure of forces or to roam about with death stalking them all the time.

Today there is not a single home in Kashmir which could claim it had not suffered directly or indirectly due to militancy-related violence. There is not a single family which has not mourned a death by a bullet, fired by a militant or a security forces man.

Yet with all stings and sorrows he has suffered, the Kashmiri does not know where he belongs and whether he belongs anywhere at all.

 

India calls the Kashmiri its ideological kin, a."Roshini ki Kiran" (ray of light) of its secular values. Pakistan says Kashmiri is a blood-relation. United Nations resolutions describe him as a creature whose being is in dispute and Shimla Agreement insists that he is a negotiable commodity.

This one was related by a friend from Srinagar. A respectable Khawaja Sahib went to Budshah Chowk to buy a ram for sacrifice on Id-ul-Zuha, He saw a whole flock of sheep and got down to select one for himself. But his method of selection was some-thing that intrigued the flock owner.

The Khawaja picked up the tails of sheep, one after another, looked down keenly and moved on till he finally selected a fine fat ram for himself.

Amazed by the tail-lifting exercise, the flock-owner admired the choice of his customer but asked him about the secret of the unusual exercise.

"Well," replied the Khawaja proudly, "that is my way of finding the breed and quality and my selection is never wrong".

The flock-owner promptly turned round, downed his baggy trousers, made bare his bottom and urged the Khawaja, "Please look in there and tell me whether I am an Indian or a Pakistani."

There is no denying the fact that a sizeable number of militants, perhaps most of them, do not fight their struggle out on the streets or in the fields, but in the homes of people, in government offices, in business houses and in the timber-rich forests. What they are after is not Azadi but physical and material gains and pleasures like easy money, sex, jobs, contracts, and commissions.

Sales or no sales, a businessman has to pay the Hafta, a government employee a ‘donation’, engineer a ‘share’, the wholesaler a ‘commission’, and so on. If you are nobody, you have to keep your mouth shut even if you see women being dishonoured, forests being denuded, people being robbed of their hard-earned money, government jobs being distributed in fishes and loaves and government

funds being looted jointly by bureaucrats and militants.

When it comes to grabbing other people’s things, nothing is too trivial for a militant.

A farmer working in his fields asked another from a neighbouring village, "why do you come out to work so late?"

"There are no cocks in the village to wake us up. All have been eaten up by the militants," replied the other one.

"What about the Muezzin?"

“His rooster was eaten up too and he has gone to ‘Azad Kashmir to fetch a gun to avenge the theft."

Militants do not pocket all the money they make. If they are caught they often buy back their freedom with hard cash. The status of the arrested militant determines the amount he will have to pay to be free again. If he is a PTM (Pakistan trained militant), the price will be higher, if he is a mere LTM (local trained militant) he can get away by paying a paltry four-figure amount. If weapons are also seized then more money will be needed to get them back.

Satirical songs with scoffs and scorns have been composed about the dreaded crackdowns which are carried out by the dozen every day and which have now become a part of life with all Kashmiris.

The worst result of the crack-downs has been that they have completely deprived the Kashmiri homes of any privacy. When the crack-down is on, the houses get reduced to an open thoroughfare.

One night when a bridegroom brought home his bride, he told his mother that the bridal bed be made out in the nearby public park.

“Why?" asked the shocked mother.

"| want to save us the bother of scampering out at midnight when the crack-down comes," said the bridegroom matter-of-factly.

It is being said that crackdowns are conducted after providing ample opportunity to the wanted militants to bolt away. Why not? They pay for it. After that the security forces make a big hue and cry by stamping about and smashing things. Many people miss many a heart throb when made to parade before the masked identifiers. No wonder there has been a sharp rise in heart ailments in Kashmir just as suicides have made their appearance among migrant Kashmiris in Jammu. Doctors have confirmed this, both in Srinagar and in Jammu.

Going by the number of crack-downs, there should hardly have been a single militant left in the Valley. Said a Srinagar wit, "India pumped in billions of rupees into Kashmir but got nothing out of it. Now they conduct crackdowns. Nothing will come out of it either." Large seizures of arms by security forces notwithstanding. The guns now are as common in Kashmir as cigarettes. Just as people do not bother about the statutory warning against smoking, the gun-wielding youths don’t bother either about the daily hide-and-seek they play with death.

This one is not a joke. A journalist friend of Srinagar said that one wintry evening a small boy walked in with the press release of a militant group (They prefer small kids to avoid arrest). As the heavily clothed kid was struggling to take out the press note from one of his inner pockets, down fell a small pistol from one of his pockets.

Perhaps this one is not a joke either. At a Wazwan dinner (traditional Kashmiri feast), a waza (cook), while serving a row of squatting guests, accidentally spilled some gravy over the costly jeans of a young guest. The Youngman flared up and cook’s apologies failed to cool him down.

"Don’t you know who | am?" he roared and unbuttoned his jacket to expose a collapsible gun.

By this time the patience of the Waza was exhausted too. He put down his pot of cooked mutton and lifting his long apron, said, “if you want to frighten me, I have it too."

Far away in Jammu, Udhampur and other places, the Kashmiri Pandit (K.P.) migrants have not lost their wit or poise even though they live in exile in cramped single rooms or in snake and scorpion infested camps.

The migrant is at his sparkling best when he is with a visiting Muslim friend from Kashmir, to whom he always extends warm hospitality.

"You may get your Azadi or not, but we have got ours. Here I can move about freely without carrying the ‘stigma’ of being an Indian. I can go out shopping even at midnight. My children’s education progresses smoothly and they do not have to go for mass-copying to get a degree. The honour and dignity of women-folk is safe and inviolable."

This one was related by a visiting Muslim Kashmiri. A Muslim businessman of Srinagar drove down to Jammu, along with his family, in his own car. As they reached Udhampur, night fell and the gentleman switched on his headlights. Then he started fiddling with switch and putting the headlights on and off rapidly. His wife sitting next to him got irritated and reprimanded him.

"You know," he replied joyfully, "l am enjoying it tremendously because back in Srinagar, I never got an opportunity to drive at night and put on the headlights for the last three years",

There is the story of a K.P. delegation meeting the Union Health and Family Welfare Minister, M.L. Fotedar, with the request that the K.P. migrants in Jammu should be given special awards.

“But why?", asked the Minister.

“Because for the last three years we have been living in such crowded places that birth rate has come down to zero and death rate including suicides has sharply increased," was the unanimous reply of the delegation.

But this one is something unique. "Why did you flee Kashmir?" asked a Muslim teacher from Kashmir of a migrant K.P. teacher in Delhi.

We fled to save secularism, said the K.P. teacher.

"What are you talking? Your exodus has been the biggest blow to the secular image of Kashmir," retorted the Muslim gentleman angrily.

“Certainly not", argued the migrant. "If we had stayed back, your militants would have liquidated us one and all and secularism would have died in Kashmir. We came here to keep secularism safe under lock and key. Once sense prevails on you again, we will go back to Kashmir and the ‘ray of light’ will also make its return journey to Kashmir."

Tailpiece

"Is there a solution to Kashmir imbroglio?"

“Why not? With almighty God high above and almighty Bush down below, nothing is impossible."

DISCLAIMER: 

The views expressed in the Article above are Shyam Kaul’s personal views and kashmiribhatta.in is not in any way responsible for the opinions expressed in the above article. The article belongs to its respective owner or owners and this site does not claim any right over it. Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing."

Courtesy: Shyam Kaul and January 1996, Naad  and  Kashmir Times, Jammu